I Trust You

I Trust You - The 3 Most Empowering Words Leaders Need To Embrace

“I trust you.” is up there at the tippy-top of the best 3 words to say:

Of course there’s:

I am sorry. 

I forgive you. 

You are enough.

I love you.

But, as for the words a leader should say to their team, their volunteers or to other leaders, I TRUST YOU can be the most powerful words.

When it comes to picking up the ball, after it’s been lying flat on the ground, deflated and covered with mud, and running toward the “finish line”...again, hearing “I trust you.” motivates me to continue the hard or even mundane work with vigor and excitement!

But in coaching leaders, this can be a difficult phrase to say because means you are relinquishing control.

And yet, we can get frustrated or confused when the people we are leading seem to only do the bare minimum. As I coach leaders through their exhaustion, nearing or even smack in the middle of burning-out, I hear (a lot) “I’m just the one that everyone always come to. They rely on me for everything!”

So let’s turn this around a moment. When YOU hear the words, “I trust you”, how does that make you feel? What are you really hearing?

I don’t know about you, but here is what I hear:

• I will have your back, even if you make a mistake, because I know you have the mission, the area, the post, the assignment, the job as your top priority.

• I know that you would never intentionally cause harm.

• I know that you only what what we want as a team, as a ministry.

• I know that you have been gifted to accomplish the role you are in.

• I know that you will use your experience and ideas to create even better experiences and ideas.

• I believe in you.

• I am not the only one who can or should do “all the things” around here.

Four people spoke these words into my life that impacted my purpose, my role and my responsibilities. In fact, those words elevated my desire to honor the assignment, situation at hand and provided the confidence, when I was doubting.

When trust is handed out, we have choices. We can abuse that trust or we can honor that trust. Perhaps the resistance is that we worry that someone may abuse or misuse that trust.

If you have done your homework - meaning; you have equipped your people and you know your people. You have had meaningful conversations with your people and you are not relying solely on an application, then letting go and providing opportunities for people to fly will free you to do the things that only you can do!

Four people; my Dad, my boss, early in my career in corporate banking, my Pastor and my client. Their trust resonates with me, even today. . 

My Dad

I’ll save you the book for later and simply say, my Dad is my first love and my forever hero. He left Kentucky to join the Marine Corp because life was excruciating difficult for a poor family of 16. He taught Drill Instructor School at Parris Island, S.C. but he was ALL HEART. 

When our high school’s Annual Senior Weekend rolled around, my Mom was frantic with worry. Living near the beach, the entire class rents hotel rooms/houses from Friday - Sunday. But Dad said: “We’ve taught her everything we can. She will either choose to honor our trust or not. And it doesn’t matter if she is at home or at the beach.” Then he looked at me and said; “I trust you.” 

My Boss

I was a twenty-something in Atlanta, GA, working at a bank and just promoted with a portfolio of clients to manage in the apparel/shoe industry and all my clients were based in New York City.

I flew to NYC for an important and potentially contentious client meeting - AND this was my first solo NYC trip. I was in my twenties and from a small town in North Carolina.

When I arrived, they refused let me in!!!!

But I was on a mission and I was not leaving without a meeting. Finally, I was told to sit at the front of the building and just wait. (The last time I visited, I was with my boss, Mike, we were warmly greeted and immediately brought to the owners office.)

Finally, I was handed a phone (y’all, this was pre-cell phone days) with Mike on the other end.

I asked; “What’s happening? They won’t see me!”

Mike explained that he knew they would try to bully, ignore or dismiss me without having to provide me with information and check I was there to get. The owner called Mike to pitch a fit. But Mike said to him, “Mary Ann is there representing our bank and is due all respect.”

Then Mike said to me; “You’ve got this. I trust you.” 

My Pastor

I didn’t grow up in church but was raised Buddhist. Without any church context, my “go-to” in doing ministry was from a place of excellence in the business world. Add sacrificial serving and radical, fun hospitality from a place of gratitude for Jesus.

Nonetheless, I made many mistakes. But we grew like crazy as a church, as well as a ministry I was leading to over 1,000 volunteers just in the Guest Services Ministry.

One Sunday, a young woman, who worked at another church, came to shadow me. She was amazing! She was smart, creative and had all the energy to transform her ministry to one that her Pastor wanted to change.

In fact, HE was the one that sent her to me. When she tried to implement some new, simple ideas, he undermined them all and said to keep everything “as is.”

She was heartbroken and discouraged. So was I - for her and the ministry.

I shared this with my Pastor to thank him for allowing me the freedom to try new ideas. And even though I had my share of bloopers and straight out bombs, he looked at me and said; “Don’t worry about it, I trust you.” 

My Client

Recently, a client that I worked with in 2019 for 5 months, contacted me. He invited me into their Volunteer Leadership meeting to help brainstorm ideas for hospitality in this new Covid-era. He sent me the Zoom link and goals of the meeting and then ended with, “But you do or say what you think we need. I trust you.”  

So….

Is this how it must have felt to the eleven disciples when Jesus said to them “go and make disciples…” (Matthew 28:19) 

Imagine having the son of Man, God in the flesh, Christ Jesus release what we call “The Great Comission” to mere humans? 

He is trusting us to carry on the critical message of the gospel. 

As a leader in your ministry, are you trusting, releasing control to those who are also entrusted with the message of Jesus?

Let's Go To Dinner! →

Whenever my Dad said, “We’re going out to dinner.” it was HUGE deal. We rarely went out to dinner because, first, we lived on military income, second, my Dad was very particular about the cleanliness in how his food is prepared but most of all, because my Mom is an incredible cook!

I can actually count the number of times we actually went OUT to dinner.

We went to the local fancy Italian restaurant about four times. There were two or three times we went to the local Hardees because it was new and the only thing in town. I was about 10 years old and remember after finishing our burgers and my Dad looking at us with a huge grin and just like Sheriff Andy Taylor, he asked; “Would you girls like one of those hot apple pies for dessert?!!” (We never assumed that we could also get dessert!)

Yes Sir!

But what I don’t know is how many times and how many people were invited over to our house for dinner over the years. People, all kinds of people, were always at our house. The young Marines that Dad was mentoring (although they didn’t know it at the time), teenage girls running away from home, Officers celebrating a promotion, and band members and their families. Yep, my Dad played steel guitar and was even offered a job as a studio musician in Nashville - but that’s another story.

One New Years Day, Mom told Dad to “invite the entire Motor Pool!” He did. Young Mariens came all day from around noon until 11pm as Mom cooked teriyaki beef kabobs, sushi rolls, , potato salad, olives, Japanese cucumber salad, cakes, pies, variety of chips and dips and sukiyaki going fresh all day and night with thin sliced beef, Chinese cabbage, bamboo shoots, bean spouts, and green onions with rice.

The picture is the day my Dad came home from Vietnam. Even as a tough Marine Drill Sargent, my Dad was a huge softy for anyone who felt left out, lonely or was being ostracized. The solution was always to open our home and share meals.

With the recent murder of George Floyd and so many before him, we are talking a lot in our home about what can we do and what have we done to help change racial division. Unfortunately, I have to admit, not much when my heart breaks seeing my brothers and sisters rightfully angry and hurting because of so much injustice because of the color of their skin.

This was not how I was raised!

Maybe it was because of the racial hurts against my family because Dad married a Japanese woman.
Maybe my parents understood at a deep level what it felt like to be seen different, treated different and my Mom called at as not worthy. Heck, I was called a “half-breed” and my Dad was told that my brain would not work properly and so I would never go to college.

When I was about 6 years old, I remember Dad announcing that we were going to dinner to our neighbors across the street. We always had people over to OUR house so this was extra special!!! I will never forget Dad’s reply when I asked him; “Why are we going to someone else’s house?”

“Because there are a bunch of stupid people who are treating them badly just because he is black and he married a Filipino woman. We won’t stand for that. So we will go there and I don’t care what people think or what they will say. He is my friend.”

My Dad, my Mom, my younger sister and I walked across the street for dinner.
For family.
For goodness.
For one another.

Today, I took a long, hard look at the people in my life to see who doesn’t look like me or Dean. I found people younger than us and older than us and those who are at seasons of life. But what about race?

Being half Japanese, I thought I would know better and do better.

But ask yourself, as I had to ask myself;

“When was the last time I truly engaged and developed relationships with anyone from another race. And especially black people?”

Many of us are asking what can we DO? I’ve seen a post that lists 75 things we can and most of it revolves around getting educated. To read and listen. Listen to understand and be heard. Yes and Amen to education!

And, YES to doing simple, human things.

Invite someone to your home for dinner. Someone who doesn’t look like you at all.

To your messy house.
To your rowdy house.
To your small or big house.
To eat a sandwich or fried rice.

That is what is on the menu at our house tomorrow night.

Fried rice with a new couple we barely know but attend the same church. We have passed by one another briefly before the quarantine hit.

I heard his pain on Social Media. We messaged one another to encourage one another and share we can’t wait for church to open again so we can really connect and talk. But, I’m tired of waiting. We have to be tired and fed up with waiting!!!!
We must DO something now.

So they are are coming to dinner!!! I cannot wait to hear their story and their heart and lean into whatever it is they need us to lean into. I’m keeping my hands open.

Our God is love and He is crazy focused on restoring our relationship with Him.

And Hey! We have the opportunity to be crazy focused on restoring our relationships with one another.

Seem too simple?

Just a meal?

Jesus talked about meals and “did meals” all the time. He was the bread. JOHN 6:35: “Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.”

Jesus multiplied the bread to feed the crowd.

Simply bread.
Simply gather.

Simply Jesus.
For ALL the people.

For Ones Who Dig In...With Wild Abandon!

"We started in the basement with no mirrors, no money, no sound system."
"We came from a very dangerous neighborhood where kids die daily." 
"We have been together for years and our bond is unbreakable." 

These are just a few of the introductions from the groups that come to compete for fame, money and validation on all the summer contest shows. From America's Got Talent to World of Dance, the dreamers show up and give it their all. 

And I love it! 
I love their passion. I love their commitment to the craft and most of all, to one another. 

I believe the church is the place where we should see this same drive and wild abandon from volunteers. Where people are so crazy about who Jesus is and their love for God that they cannot NOT do whatever it takes to serve others.

To show up with so much gratitude that grace pours out of every word, look or action.

To be brave enough to be vulnerable with their hurts and struggles that mercy floods into the lives of the people they serve. 

I know it's possible because I have seen it. I have experienced it. 

So here's a challenge to the local church.

Let's stop sitting on the bench while the other team, the enemy, is on the field and running up the score. We must not be afraid to speak the vision or plan with intentionality for the few who will not get it. 

There will always be those who choose to walk away.
                             
                        John 6:66 "After this many of his disciples turned back
                                         and no longer walked with him."

But, oh....the ones who stay. The ones who dig in.

Let's find them and serve them and encourage them!
Because there are hurting people out there.
Let's find them, serve them and encourage them!

And God will do the heavy lifting and do what only He can and will do.

We just need to do our part.

Let's get out there and move that ball down the field! 
 

I Can't Talk Right Now, I'm On Post

That dreaded volunteer issue. It happens because we are human and we love to connect. But sometimes, too much connecting (I know, I'm stepping on some toes here) at an inappropriate time or place can get in the way of the ministry.

And when handled the wrong way, ever hear these comments?
            "But aren’t we supposed to be friendly at church?"

            "What’s wrong with talking with my friends, my family when I’m serving?

             Ya’ll (can you tell I’m from the South?!) have too many rules! I quit.

First, there is nothing wrong with talking with your people. But sometimes, it can interfere with the mission. 

Let’s dig in and ask the question, WHY are we serving today?
    To be seen?

    To check off the list? “I served today.”
   
Or - To create a genuinely welcoming environment for ALL those coming through the doors?

Here is the reality: sometimes we can forget the WHY. And I get it! I LOVE talking with my friends! Most of the time, I only get to see them when I’m serving. But be careful to not make the wrong assumptions.

• Sometimes. the talking is random and brief. That’s OK!

• Sometimes, we assume it’s their people, but we could be wrong.

So, how do we handle the situation when a volunteer is always talking with friends and not able to focus on others or honor their serving role? Training!

Here are 3 Trainables:

1.     Help them find The Right Fit for the right post.

This may be a simple fix for finding the right place for the volunteer to serve. Sometimes, people will serve in an area requiring a lot of flow, moving around, or handing out of things and what they want and need is a place to have conversations. Finding or creating serving roles that allow conversations may provide the best fit.

2. Help them understand The WHY!

Tell stories!!! Have stories in your back pocket!

”Hey, do you remember when Sally visited our church for the first time?

I was talking with, Vicky Volunteer, and she was telling me about her husband’s upcoming surgery. I truly cared about Vicky’s husband but I also noticed that a woman was hanging out at the information desk and seemed to be waiting.

So, I interrupted Vicky and motioned for her to hang on for a moment. I then quickly greeted this woman, introduced myself, and learned that her name was Sally.

Sally shared that it was her first time visiting and was pretty overwhelmed and nervous being back in church. I was able to chat with her and connect her to a ministry.”

3. Provide Specific HOW-TOs to get out of long-winded conversations.

This is a great example of when role play is an effective training tool.

Sometimes, when a volunteer is serving at the same location, their friends learn this and know where to find them for long, connecting conversations. We trained for these situations and provided a couple of options for the volunteer.

If all else fails, leaders must have the conversation, one-on-one. Seeking first to understand and lean into what the volunteers are saying is the best way to earn trust and create an open and loving culture.

And at the end of the day, if the most loving thing was for that volunteer to spend time with someone, one-on-one, then this is where grace lives.