I Trust You - The 3 Most Empowering Words Leaders Need To Embrace
“I trust you.” is up there at the tippy-top of the best 3 words to say:
Of course there’s:
I am sorry.
I forgive you.
You are enough.
I love you.
But, as for the words a leader should say to their team, their volunteers or to other leaders, I TRUST YOU can be the most powerful words.
When it comes to picking up the ball, after it’s been lying flat on the ground, deflated and covered with mud, and running toward the “finish line”...again, hearing “I trust you.” motivates me to continue the hard or even mundane work with vigor and excitement!
But in coaching leaders, this can be a difficult phrase to say because means you are relinquishing control.
And yet, we can get frustrated or confused when the people we are leading seem to only do the bare minimum. As I coach leaders through their exhaustion, nearing or even smack in the middle of burning-out, I hear (a lot) “I’m just the one that everyone always come to. They rely on me for everything!”
So let’s turn this around a moment. When YOU hear the words, “I trust you”, how does that make you feel? What are you really hearing?
I don’t know about you, but here is what I hear:
I will have your back, even if you make a mistake, because I know you have the mission, the area, the post, the assignment, the job as your top priority.
I know that you would never intentionally cause harm.
I know that you only what what we want as a team, as a ministry.
I know that you have been gifted to accomplish the role you are in.
I know that you will use your experience and ideas to create even better experiences and ideas.
I believe in you.
I am not the only one who can or should do “all the things” around here.
Four people spoke these words into my life that impacted my purpose, my role and my responsibilities. In fact, those words elevated my desire to honor the assignment, situation at hand and provided the confidence, when I was doubting.
When trust is handed out, we have choices. We can abuse that trust or we can honor that trust. Perhaps the resistance is that we worry that someone may abuse or misuse that trust.
If you have done your homework - meaning; you have equipped your people and you know your people. You have had meaningful conversations with your people and you are not relying solely on an application, then letting go and providing opportunities for people to fly will free you to do the things that only you can do!
Four people; my Dad, my boss, early in my career in corporate banking, my Pastor and my client. Their trust resonates with me, even today. .
My Dad
I’ll save you the book for later and simply say, my Dad is my first love and my forever hero. He left Kentucky to join the Marine Corp because life was excruciating difficult for a poor family of 16. He taught Drill Instructor School at Parris Island, S.C. but he was ALL HEART.
When our high school’s Annual Senior Weekend rolled around, my Mom was frantic with worry. Living near the beach, the entire class rents hotel rooms/houses from Friday - Sunday. But Dad said: “We’ve taught her everything we can. She will either choose to honor our trust or not. And it doesn’t matter if she is at home or at the beach.” Then he looked at me and said; “I trust you.”
My Boss
I was a twenty-something in Atlanta, GA, working at a bank and just promoted with a portfolio of clients to manage in the apparel/shoe industry and all my clients were based in New York City.
I flew to NYC for an important and potentially contentious client meeting - AND this was my first solo NYC trip. I was in my twenties and from a small town in North Carolina.
When I arrived, they refused let me in!!!!
But I was on a mission and I was not leaving without a meeting. Finally, I was told to sit at the front of the building and just wait. (The last time I visited, I was with my boss, Mike, we were warmly greeted and immediately brought to the owners office.)
Finally, I was handed a phone (y’all, this was pre-cell phone days) with Mike on the other end.
I asked; “What’s happening? They won’t see me!”
Mike explained that he knew they would try to bully, ignore or dismiss me without having to provide me with information and check I was there to get. The owner called Mike to pitch a fit. But Mike said to him, “Mary Ann is there representing our bank and is due all respect.”
Then Mike said to me; “You’ve got this. I trust you.”
My Pastor
I didn’t grow up in church but was raised Buddhist. Without any church context, my “go-to” in doing ministry was from a place of excellence in the business world. Add sacrificial serving and radical, fun hospitality from a place of gratitude for Jesus.
Nonetheless, I made many mistakes. But we grew like crazy as a church, as well as a ministry I was leading to over 1,000 volunteers just in the Guest Services Ministry.
One Sunday, a young woman, who worked at another church, came to shadow me. She was amazing! She was smart, creative and had all the energy to transform her ministry to one that her Pastor wanted to change.
In fact, HE was the one that sent her to me. When she tried to implement some new, simple ideas, he undermined them all and said to keep everything “as is.”
She was heartbroken and discouraged. So was I - for her and the ministry.
I shared this with my Pastor to thank him for allowing me the freedom to try new ideas. And even though I had my share of bloopers and straight out bombs, he looked at me and said; “Don’t worry about it, I trust you.”
My Client
Recently, a client that I worked with in 2019 for 5 months, contacted me. He invited me into their Volunteer Leadership meeting to help brainstorm ideas for hospitality in this new Covid-era. He sent me the Zoom link and goals of the meeting and then ended with, “But you do or say what you think we need. I trust you.”
So….
Is this how it must have felt to the eleven disciples when Jesus said to them “go and make disciples…” (Matthew 28:19)
Imagine having the son of Man, God in the flesh, Christ Jesus release what we call “The Great Comission” to mere humans?
He is trusting us to carry on the critical message of the gospel.
As a leader in your ministry, are you trusting, releasing control to those who are also entrusted with the message of Jesus?